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This is a letter that I had to write to a client that kept insisting that there must be cheaper delivery to his address;

Good day, Mr. Lxxxxs. I would ask you to look at the feedback that we have managed to keep in good stead all of these years. It is because we really try to make sure that everyone is totally satisfied. I must point out that you have repeatedly asked for extra consideration on shipping, which we simply will not do. In fact, I would be remiss not to remind you that, in the ad, we refuse to deal outside the USA. This incident has a few calling for an end to any requests like this at all.

In our area, and for some reason especially with us, UPS and Fed-Ex both have an abysmal record for trashing high-dollar and often very rare music stuff; i.e., tubes, amps, processors and the absolute worst, when they delivered a 1967 Gibson SG to San Francisco and ruined it (the guitar had survived almost 3 decades of being utilized by some top talent). This guitar was in it's proper hard case, within a wooden frame and double boxed, and they still managed to trash it as if it were nothing more than a box of pencils. The Samsonite gorilla would have gotten out of the business after seeing what these untouchable, effete teamster "pros" can do to our prized treasures. On another occasion, they did the same to a Gibson ES 175. Apparently, they consider a "fragile" designation stamp to be a challenge. Further, if you have ever tried to make one of these organized-crime backed organizations make good on the "insurance" that they foist upon one, you will know as well as we that you have wasted your money on the insurance and time on the pursuit. It is a definite "do not do" type of situation, and we are not anywhere near alone in our misery; all complain, some acquiesce.

I cannot know your reasons for wanting this particular pickup. I have offered to let you out of this and we both part with no harm, no foul. Yes, it does seem like a lot of money to ship, but we are not the USPS and we do know that, unlike the 'private' delivery companies, they show pride in their accountability, not sneering mockery that one would be so *** as to trust them in the first place. Checking the very convoluted and circuitous UPS website, the best rate I get is over $80, with the same pain-in-the-patoot system and results coming from their "competitor" FedEx. We just do not do DHL. Oy.

So, this brings me to my very final point after putting all of this time and effort into satisfying your inquiry; do we, a) both file for a mutual agreement not to complete this purchase, or b) follow through. We need you to be nothing short of completely satisfied.

Your call.

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